Why Now?
Opening the door to the past…
To be totally honest. When I finally got my head around what was about to come. I didn’t know who to turn to. I only knew of ONE individual who had gone through IVF and both our diagnoses were different. Although I got great support from her, I needed more information. I searched for blogs, forums, YouTube videos, Instagram pages, just so that I could understand what IVF was. What it entailed, the process, the tests, the chances of success and everything in-between. I had mentioned before that once I felt comfortable, our story could be shared for the next couple who may find themselves in a similar position.
This is me paying it forwards.
The 'trying to conceive' (TTC) community had become my daily reads. I was thankful for every woman who had put themselves out there. Showing vulnerability and courage to share their journey. We all know it takes a lot of strength to bring light to what others may consider a flaw in your picture perfect social media life. I’m realizing it actually takes perhaps a little bit more to share your story. Whether that be with friends or family or to publish it on the internet, a place where there is simply no return. It took me a whole fifteen minutes of staring at my phone [enters tumbleweed blowing in the desert] before my finger pressed the 'post’ button for my first Instagram post.
I recall scrolling through Instagram. Through this large Indian community and I found one account that stood out, Dr Anita (@anitakpatelmd). She openly talked about her journey whilst she was going through it, her meds, her mock schedule, her emotions, the whole nine yards! Her bravery was blinding. I pretty much stalked her like a hawk, our timelines were two weeks apart. Palak (@thechutneylife) had started an infertility group on Facebook. I never joined as by that point we were pregnant and I didn’t want to invade someone else’s safe space. I filtered through accounts and truly couldn’t find anymore. Not to say that there are not people talking about this. They just never seemed to appear on my feed. My Instagram prior to this was all about traveling to the little corners of the world.
It then crossed my mind that perhaps this wasn’t spoken about as openly as it should be in our community. Perhaps we should highlight that this happens to one in eight couples. So think of it as this. When you have attended someone’s wedding reception, chances are, someone at your table or the table next to you is also going through this as well. Weddings (eye roll), the only event you know that SOMEONE is bound to ask; “So...when are you guys having children?” Or if you don’t have an alcoholic beverage in your hand; "Well, why aren’t you drinking?” Urm? it's actually because I drank last night and life has a funny way of reminding me I’m not in my twenties and simply cannot hang two nights in a row.
PSA - if all of your friends are going through similar life events as you. Seem to be settled. It’s more than likely that they are considering having a baby BUT it's never okay to ask... I'm no exception. I had to learn this skill.
Story time
Before we got married, my husband jokingly asked a friend if she was pregnant *inhales deeply*. The entire mood changed for a split second. She was a good sport and laughed it off but I wanted to disappear. Was there no quicksand I could dive into!? I too have made the mistake of putting someone on the spot. It makes my stomach turn at the thought of it.
I wasn’t ready to share it with the world a year ago. I barely shared it with my friends. Truthfully, I'm not ready now either. It’s far easier for someone like me, a full-time introvert to close this chapter and move on. However, if this bring any type of comfort to just one person, I believe that the purpose is served. I could have shared my experience with just our close friends but journaling has had magical ways of healing for me and it also prevents any Chinese whispers. Yes Ka Ka Ka Ka Kantaben, I’m looking straight at you! No need to twist my words or read between the lines.
It is what it is.