How I dealt with IVF
Going through IVF feels like a lifetime ago and yet it also feels like just the other day where I was memorising my medication schedule, setting alarms to ensure each injection was taken at 0700hrs and 1900hrs on the dot. Time really is the cure to these types of memories.
I hear mothers say, that they never want to go through pregnancy, childbirth or even the fourth trimester again. Assuming it’s due to discomfort, pain and lack of sleep. Yet they would happily do it all over again. Time truly is the best healer as cliche as it may sound.
Everyone has their own coping mechanisms. Below are mine. They helped me get through the days that seemed long and felt like an eternity. I would eagerly wait for the next blood test or scan just to make myself feel a little bit closer to being pregnant. At night, the only thing that would assist me with falling asleep was visualizing the process, the moment I would be able to see two blue lines on the pregnancy test. This very vivid dream would keep me going, providing hope.
Three ways that helped me prepare for IVF:
Read, read and read. If you’re anything like me, you’ll want to know everything. The good, the bad and the ugly. I needed to be prepared for every possible outcome that could be. Google became my best friend and my worst enemy. I found myself searching for hours, reading forums, blogs, watching YouTube videos and listening to podcasts. The goal was to walk into my next consultation as educated as I could be. To ask the real meaningful questions such as; why are we preparing for this treatment rather than the other? Why are we not considering a less invasive treatment prior to jumping to IVF? How many shots? For how long? What’s the difference between this brand name and this generic drug? Which one had the higher chance of success? Will I have mood swings? Will I gain weight? How long is the procedure? What’s the timeline? How many cycles are the average? The questions were endless. Dr F probably loved having me as a client. (Insert - Thank U, Next).
Surrounding myself with only a couple of super positive girlfriends. Ones I knew would be my hype girls. Ones who would make me see the light at the end of the tunnel when my days felt shadowed by darkness. One of them was also going through something similar to me. She became my go to IVF guru answering hundreds of my questions to the best of her abilities. It's crazy how significant your squad is. I had girlfriends offering to connect me with other IVF warriors to build my own community. I am forever thankful to these ladies for guiding me through an unknown time in my life.
Physical activity. Around the same time we got a treadmill. By no means do I consider myself a runner. In fact, I couldn’t remember the last time I ran prior to this. But this became my morning meditation. I would jump on our NordicTrack, follow Tommy Rivs through Portugal and before I knew it, the endorphins were doing their thang and I would be set with a positive outlook for the day. A positive mindset truly was my lifesaver. This may appears easy however it is ridiculously harder than it looks. Trust me when I say, it's a long slippery slide in a downward spiral, drowning in sadness and coming up with hypothetical "what ifs”. I spent hours thinking 'why us?’ The hardest part was the initial idea of going ahead with IVF.
What I didn’t do:
Go on any diets or eliminate any food groups. I continued to allow myself a glass of red in the evenings (given the go ahead by our doctor). For my husband, a happy wife during this time was crucial and wine makes this lady very happy and relaxed.
Talk to multiple people about it. This was a personal choice. I didn’t want people to ask me “how’s it going?”, “what’s next?!” Even though it came from a place of love. I wanted to prevent a pity party and having to answer the same questions multiple times throughout the day. I also didn’t want all of my conversations to be about IVF. Although it consumed my mind A LOT, there was more to life than just this.
Turn off social media. I chose to stay on social media and continue to cheer on couples who announced their pregnancies. For us personally, we realised you never know what someone is going through, how many hoops they have had to jump through, therefore supporting them brought us sheer happiness. It came with hope that one day, we’ll be able to share good news too.
This is what helped me through this chapter. Along with this, it was KEY to communicate any feelings with my husband. I recall being so annoyed at him for not reading and being obsessed about the process as I was. It’s like I would read the encyclopedia and he would just prance in our appointments knowing exactly what questions mattered. I was obsessed with the outcome, he was more concerned with how treatment would affect me. He actually had to sit me down and make me understand that if worse came to worse, we could always be parents to a baby that perhaps didn’t share our DNA however having anything but a healthy spouse (mentally and physically) wasn’t an option. He reminded me to be in the moment. My moment was and forever will be with him.
Sending love to all those trying - xxx